It's the end of today and I am not really ready for bed. I have church tomorrow and while I am looking forward to church, I'm not looking forward to being around people. The reclusive side of me is very stubborn lately. Ever since I came home from my trip to MN, I have been more withdrawn.
It's not that I don't want to have relationships with people, I just don't have the energy to maintain them these days.
Yesterday was a long and stressful day. I called my back up therapist and she advised me to take the time to play all weekend. She said I've been working so much with my job and at my recovery and coping with my illnesses. She said that I needed to take a break so the stress would be lessend.
Today wasn't much better. I ran some errands and then went to Not Your Average Joe's Diner. I read some, journaled some, and worked on some art. I was struggling all day with my emotions trying to overtake me. I practiced coping skills and grounding techniques to help. I went grocery shopping right before I went home.
I'm sitting here thinking about playing and not playing. It feels strange to not be working on something. Strange to be playing only. I keep catching myself reverting back to a seven year old me. I had pulled out my barbies and have been dressing them into different characters. As I've been playing, the emotions I felt while I was a child wash over me like waves. Some small and gentle, others rough and large. Overwhelming. I wonder if that's what it's like to have the past meet the present?
I was thinking about if as a child I wasn't able to process the emotions, then maybe I need to process them as an adult to make things equal. I don't even know if I'm making sense. I guess it's something that I need to sit on for a while.
So good night for now.
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