I'm sitting soaking my feet in a now warm tub of water and eating some Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream. Odd combo, I know. But I needed some sensory interactions.
The feel of the soft warm water on my ankles is like a cashmere sweater just slipped on. My toes flex and curl. My heels absorb the water making the calluses soft. I'll be scrubbing those later on. Soft feet are a luxury for me because I don't always take the time to care for them.
The vanilla ice cream is cold. I find chocolate shavings and a clump of cookie dough underneath the melted ice cream. I chomp into the dough and am rewarded by the grainy sweet taste of yumminess.
It's a good way to wind down from a really bad day like today. I don't have the words to explain all that happened. The only thing I can do is accept that today was what it was and I need to move on. Which is why I was needing to do the sensory activities.
Most of the time it's all I can do to get thru the next hour, the next minute. I wake up each day hoping that it'll be different. That I'll wake up better and not have the problems I do. And when I realize that I have the same anxieties and borderline tendencies, I fall apart. I know that I have changed since I took that first step to go to the inpatient unit two years ago. And I know that it is a long journey that I am on. On days like today, I just want to disappear. It's hard for me to see the truth when I am like this. Which is why it was important for me to work on sensory activities.
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