My dad could tell the best stories when he could be persuaded to tell them. Which wasn't often but was enough for us kids to be hanging on his every word as he wove an epic adventure about "little pea" and his family LONG before veggie tales ever existed. Most of us can say that we were told bedtime stories. Or read a book with our caregiver. A child's imagination is a wonderful and terrible thing. I won't get into a lot of psychological topics or make this really long. But I have something to say about the imainary worlds we create as a child and later as an adult.
In my family of six, I am the third child. We were poor. Everything I owned had been passed to me from my sisters or cousins. I was thrilled when I got new clothes for Christmas because they were all my own. From the outside it looked like I had everything provided for me. Food. Clothing. Toys. But one thing was missing. Unconditional love. I could never do the right thing the right way. I wasn't a boy. I was just the baby sister. On and on went the negativity. I've briefly talked about it before but I was sexually abused as a child. Well, I learned pretty fast that I could escape into a world of my choosing anytime I wanted. At first it was just play. Make believe. And I knew reality from fantasy. But as I kept going further and further into daydreaming, I'd end up dissociating, or losing sense of reality. I don't always remember my childhood. Some good things but mostly the bad. Mostly the longing I had to please my parents. The disappointment when I failed. The stories I told myself. For a time I even convinced myself that I was adopted and my real family was out there waiting for me. I tried to run away a few times. But there was always this thrill of a new story, a new realm to explore. I missed out on a lot because I was present in body but my mind was elsewhere.
I get it. I understand the need to feel in control and safe. But there is an invisible line that I crossed as a child and to this day I struggle with dissociation and wanting to daydream my life away. Thats what happens. Our time is spent in daydreaming or playing fantasy games so much so that the line between reality and fantasy no longer exists. It's dangerous. It is robbing children and adults of precious time when they could be out there living! But there's that pull towards that perfect fantasy.
Depressing isn't it? I don't have the answers for this one topic. But I know that in living a fantasy I'm wasting away my life. And I dont want to anymore.
#tip Grounding. Use grounding techniques like using 5 senses, Observing your surroundings, talking to a friend or relative to keep your mind grounded in reality.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Please remember to not use any profane language, sexual innuendos, or and other forms of derogatory communication. Thank you.