true reality

I wanted to share this morning something that's in my heart right now. We often wish for life to go smoother than it really does; we get caught up in the "living in the now" mentality. We lose touch with the reality God intends for us to live in. Kingdom of God reality. Having the mindset of Jesus Christ. We lose the real reason for living.
Time goes by and our "laters" become "right nows". Promises we made to others demand to be fulfilled. And time still marches on without a care for careful planning.
What would it be like to see the truth behind every person's story? What would it take for us to give more than we take and not complain? Who would we run to if we didn't have God as our All in All? And would we be willing to put someone else first?
In all the centuries that have come and gone, mankind has not changed all that much. There's still poverty and sickness. There's still abuse and cheating. There's still hate and war. But there's also friendship and hope. People who seek to live in peace with others and people who go the extra mile for their neighbor. Nothing has changed in the world's history and yet everything has changed. We can look back and see out triumphs and mistakes. Hopefully we learn from them. Hopefully we seek out ways that we can become more loving. Our true reality isn't just pain and sorrow, neither is it joy and prosperity. Our reality is found somewhere in the in between, in the very center of what it is to be a created being. We are full or purpose and passion. God created us unique and yet each sharing similarities. When you look at someone, I mean really, really look at them; look past their appearance, beyond their voice, and find the true person that is waiting to be discovered. That is what it means to be known fully and loved anyways.
I look at my life rather judgmentaly. A memory is either good or bad. I do either good or bad things. My words are either good or bad. Even my thoughts of God are judged. It's like I am compelled to put a stamp of approval or disproval on everything about me and when I am ashamed and disapprove, how easily I condemn myself! Part of that comes from living with Borderline Personality Disorder and the black/white thinking I cam tend to have. No grey areas. But that's not God's design. There's always a middle ground. We've been conditioned to believe that when it comes to life, there are no grey areas unless they are positive ones. If they tip towards the negative, then they are "bad". What if that's incorrect thinking? What if we're given a choice to find the middle ground and simply acknowledge them and then let them go? If I were given a choice, I know I'd choose to erase all the bad memories so I don't ever have to deal with them again. But here's my thought, what if those bad things that happened to me happened not because God didn't stop them, not because God allowed them, not because I deserved or didn't deserve them, but rather they just happened because we live in a fallen world that is full or sin and sorrow. What if those very horrible things that happened to me could be reconciled by knowing that they shaped who I am today? I didn't lay down and give up. I fought for the ground I'm standing on right now. And I can look back and say to those bad things, "you have not defeated me".
I think that reality is the most important one to hold on to. I am not defeated.