i'm done with being a victim

I'm done with being a victim.

Those are powerful words that punch a good wallop to my whole being.

A victim is most likely, a person who is defensive, indecisive, unsure of their identity; but need  others to give them identity. A person who may be loud or quiet while inside they are falling apart. A person who would rather hurt themselves for the sake of others, to keep from hurting someone like they've been hurt. A person with a superb sense of empathy and the compulsion or impulse to act as an avenging advocate. A person with low self esteem, sometimes masked by popularity or extrovert tendencies. A person who might believe that they'll always be a victim. A person who might be a bully, because in expressing anger or dominance, they can hide their pain from the world. A person  who won't stand up for themselves but don't ever mess with anyone close to them cause they'll fight for the other's wellbeing. A person who, when asked if they have had trauma in their lives, most likely would deny it because to a person who is a victim, they think they've deserved it somehow. People with a victim belief system aren't always recognizable from the outwards parts of themselves. A person who believes that they are a victim, and does not challenge that thought; will always remain a victim. Ouch.

Do I believe that I am worth so little that I simply accept the bad that happens to me? And go on with life wishing things would be different but never doing anything about it? It feels like I try and try but never get away from what has been wrongly done to me. It invades my sleep through nightmares, invades my waking hours thru flashbacks and memories. The trauma in my life that makes me a victim has more say in my life than I do. And that's wrong. What's worse is that I expect it to be that way every time. No exceptions. Something doesn't go my way, I'm a mess for days. Someone days something hurtful, intended or not, and I can't stop thinking about it. A memory becomes reality again, while reality becomes less real. My mom once told me, that I like to be the victim. That hurt. I think it hurt because part of it is true. Because if I'm not being victimized, then no one is paying attention to me or acknowledging my existence. To put it plainly, I have spent my entire life screaming, "I'm right here! I'm hurting! Save me!" and no one can hear me. So I let myself be victimized and let myself believe that everyone is out to hurt me.

I don't want to be a victim anymore.

Ways to not view or treat yourself as a victim:

1. Take time for YOU. Do something nice for yourself. Find something that you enjoy. Play a sport or paint your nails. You get the picture.
Taking care of yourself means meeting your emotional and physical needs.

2. Practice mindfulness. Be in the moment. Focus on one thing at a time. It's ok if you struggle to do this. I know I do. Just try for five minutes at a time.

3. Counteract negative thoughts by saying a positive thought for each negative one. Once you start this practice it gets easier. Having a good sense of self goes a long way towards living free from a victim mentality.

What about the trauma? Or the nightmares? Flashbacks?

4. Acceptance. Accept that you cannot change the past. Accept that you can change the now. Whenever I have a flashback,  and I realize it, I jump up and go do something else for five minutes. It resets your focus.

5. Find someone safe to talk to. Whether that be a counselor, teacher, friend or relative, having someone in your corner goes a long way.

And finally

6. Give yourseld grace. We all mess up. We all face failure. But our life doesn't end there. Try try again.

I'm still trying to figure this all out. But I'm trying and that's a start.