a collision: when the past meets the present

This past Sunday, and on any given Sunday I go after church to my favorite diner, Not Your Average Joe's. It's a great family diner and the food there is amazing. Plus I get my favorite table almost every time. The waitresses there are wonderfully nice and in such a short period of time, learned my drink preferences and usually stop to chat a while when the diner is slow. I like going there to relax and work on art Journaling or whatever I choose to bring.  They don't mind me bringing in my art stuff. It's  been quite a habit with me.
The diner closes at 3pm on Sundays so I have a small window to work on anything. But it's worth it to get out in the public,  which is a huge anxiety trigger for me, but I still love to people watch. 
Well, I was sitting at my table where I can see the whole diner and I noticed two ladies walking in and sitting down a few tables away.  I did a double-take thinking I recognized one of the ladies.  I dismissed it though because I wasn't sure.  A few minutes later I noticed the lady's voice. She has a distinct nasal twang in her speech and I recognized it right away as the lady I thought she might be.  To be honest, out of social anxiety I sat there thinking,  "Please don't recognize me. Please don't remember me." Of course, my chanting didn't work and just as I looked over there our eyes met. So I decided that when I leave or when they leave I would go over and say hello. I went on with what I was doing, which was Smashbooking. 
It got closer to 3pm so I got up to use the restroom and pay before stopping to chat. The lady stopped me as I passed her and she invited me to sit with them. I went to the bathroom and then paid before I went back and reluctantly sat down.
Now the hesitancy on my part had nothing to do with the lady herself, but with knowing that in that moment, my past collided with my present. It's a humbling experience. I enjoyed chatting with her and her mom about my internship and time at college.
However, I couldn't help thinking that the Kayla they knew and were talking about seemed like a whole different person. Like it really wasn't me they were reminiscent about. I wonder what happened to that girl? I wondered at the differences between past me and present me. What changed? What stayed the same?
While I was talking to the two ladies,  I felt ashamed. Ashamed of the reality that I changed.  Why shame? I should be happy that I changed,  especially if it were for the better. I felt shame that the two ladies think I am someone I no longer am or could no longer be.
I can no longer be that naive, gentle, innocent girl that I was in college. I can never undo the damage done by wrong choices or circumstances out of my control. But most of all, I am not that young girl with big dreams. Because those dreams turned out to be someone else's dreams pushed on to me. Growing up is hard.  When you are a kid,  you are taught certain things by your parents. Hopefully you have decent parents and they raise you right.  In my case,  my mother was one who tried to raise me right but ended up pushing her desires onto me until I thought they were my own. She set my life up for what she wanted me to be and it wasn't until I went to college that I realized I was living a lie in pursuing what I thought were my dreams.
That's what I mean by not being able to go back and be that girl. I can no longer be someone I'm not than a leopard can change it's spots.
That leaves me with accepting who I have become today. And I am ok with that. So when I was sitting with the two ladies,  I recognized that the Kayla they knew no longer exists. She is in the past. And it's ok.
I didn't open up to the two ladies about this revelation because I didn't want them to feel bad that they didn't know me as well as they thought. I just was myself and hoped that they would see the new Kayla as she is and accept her just the same.
I think anyone else would want it to be the same way.