Kitchen Chaos

I grew up with my mom's pristine and cheerful kitchen. Everything has its place. You wanted a mixing bowl, they were right where the mixing bowls go. You want a spoon or a kitchen do-hickey? Check the utensil drawer. Mom would whip up hearty meals and snacks but I never saw her kitchen unclean. She did and still does the dishes every day. She made sure the counters are cleared except for the pile of mail. Mom's kitchen was a place of light and fun. And some of  heartache, but most of my cherished memories are in mom's kitchen.

But.....I avoid my kitchen like the plague. I hate being in there. I dislike the way it is organized even though I organized it myself. But the thing I dislike the most is that I can't seem to be able to motivate myself to keep it clean. Doing dishes daily is a chore and who needs to put dishes away when you're just going to use them again? Trash is a big one for me too. Half the time the stuff ends up in bags thr other half its just sitting there. I got fed up with myself this afternoon and started putting dishes away which lead to clearing the counters then organizing the pantry and then sorting out the cupboards and on and on until I stopped to catch my breath and I realize I just had a manic attack. And my kitchen looks like this now. (See picture)

This isn't my first apartment. My first apartment was a one bedroom and bath, no kitchen or hallway. I had to use a steamer, a microwave and/or a crock pot to cook. I did all my dishes in the shower. Lol. My fridge was too small even for a gallon or half gallon of milk. So I bought it by the quart. Living like that taught me to be grateful for every living space that I had. It also taught me to miss a real kitchen. So I'm conflicted. As I write this I keep hearing the words "be kind to yourself". And I remember that life isn't about having clean kitchens but its about the process it takes you to get the kitchen clean. So I have to ask myself "what am I supposed to learn from this?" I still don't have the energy to clean it tonight but then, there's always tomorrow.