I can't sleep. My head is pounding like a drum and my eyes hurt. Migraines are no thing to mess around with.
One of the troubles of having any kind of pain, it breaks down your mental ability to function normally. Simple tasks become impossible. And emotions are a large percent more intense the normal. For a person without a mental illness, the effects of pain are still sometimes tolerable. But for a person with Borderline Personality Disorder especially, pain makes everything 100 times more intense. Even now as I write this, tears are in my eyes. Not just from the pain and lack of sleep, but also because my coping defenses are down and I struggle with my thoughts and memories. Everything seems larger and more undoable than ever.
I'm writing this because I want to remember that the reason why I suffer is real. The mental illnesses I live with are real and they often dictate my life.
But you know what? It doesn't have to always be that way. I can choose. Choose to push thru the pain, thru the emotions and come out on the other side stronger for the fight.
I won't give up.
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