wounds and bandages: a letter

My heart hurts. Every beat it beats serves as a reminder of all that I have faced. When I was writing this post, the following letter came to my mind as I thought about my life and the pain I have dealt with. It is so easy for me to forget that I am never alone. I forget that there is One who has never forgotten me, never hated me, never abandoned me. And even though He didn't always stop the horrible things from happening, He's beginning to show me how He was right there with me; taking the abuse and pain to the Cross. I still have scars from the painful things that have happened to me in my life, but then, so does He. He still bears the scars for me. For me. ME.

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Dear Child, 

You see, I've known what it's like to be rejected, distrusted, and lied about. I know what it's like to wonder whether or not if you are liked or even more so, loved. I have felt the sting of words, the disappointment in those I trusted, the weight of knowing that you'll never be who others want you to be. 

But that's ok. It's ok to be different. It's ok to know your own opinion, know who you are, and who you are not. 

It still hurts though. I know. I understand. I understand when you're having a good day and then WHAM! you get bombarded by the pain and it leaves you wilted inside. I understand what it is like to see your friends and family seemingly live their lives blissfully unaware of your pain. I understand what it is like to sit alone in the dark wishing that you had someone, anyone, to tell you it's going to be ok. 

You ARE going to be ok. 

I understand what it feels like to be left out, cast out, knocked out, and out of breath, out of time, tuned out, turned out, tossed out and put out every single day. I know what it is like to have your thoughts betray you, lie to you, shadow you, and beat you down until who you are is lost. I know what it feels like to be manipulated, mistreated, and forgotten. 

You think you are alone in this mess? 

Wrong. 

You are not alone. 

I was there too. I was rejected, I was mistreated, I was left out and turned out. I had those that I love hate me, lie to me, and use me. I know what it is like. 

You aren't alone.

I know how you feel. I have felt sad, unloved, hated, abused, lonely, and bruised. I know what grief is and is not. I know how crushing it is to feel that unbearable depression. I know. I have seen you. 

I have been right there with you.

You may not have felt me, seen me, touched me, loved me, but I have loved you. I have held you while nightmares tormented you. I have watched as you grew up in the abuse of your childhood. I have gone through every torment, every mistreatment, every low point that you ever faced. I was right there. I held your hand and you didn't know it. I wiped your tears and you didn't feel it. I stood between darkness and your life, but you never saw it. 

I know what you are going through. 

Look at Me. Look at My hands, My side. These scars were for you. I took all your pain and carried it to the Cross. There is no safer place that you can go than in My arms. I love you. I want you. I need you. 

You are sunshine and laughter, lighting up the day with your love. You are grace and beauty, covering all that you touch.

You are made in My image. 

Perfect.

Complete. 

Pure.

You may be wounded, but I have bandaged you. You may feel lost, but I have always known where you are. You may think you are worthless, but you are My precious jewel. You may think that all you will ever know is pain and sadness, but I give you peace and joy. You are My treasure, My Daughter, My friend,

And there is no one EVER who can capture My heart exactly as you do.

- Jesus Christ