Positivity

NOTE: photo is taken from https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/ocean-human-health.html

It's been a few days now since I have been released from the inpatient unit aka psych ward. I was there for 7 days. This was my 11th time of being hospitalized due to suicidal thoughts and depression. It was a time of intense personal reflection and a lot of boredom while I was there.  I'm getting frustrated that this keeps happening to me. I don't want to die but the thoughts of suicide overwhelm me. But this time I made it thru. I defeated the thoughts and am fighting for a better day.
I could go into detail about my depression and its effects on me. I could tell you the thoughts I've been struggling with. But I'm not going to.
It's time to stop letting words like "depression, suicide, dissociation" take center stage. I'm not saying it's bad to talk about them, just that it's time for them to take the back burner and let other words have power. Words like "hope, serenity, revovery".
How often do I pay attention to what I say?  What excuses do I make? I make a lot of excuses. But today is a new day and I am choosing the positive.
It doesn't mean that I won't have times where the depression and suicidal thoughts kick my butt. I'm taking it on day at a time. Which is all that is required of me.