this brave girl: closer to my heart

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Thank you for reading this blog! It is so nice to be able to share with you my life's journey and thoughts! Please leave me a comment at the bottom of the page or use the Contact Form.

WARNING!! This blog does contain a few references to sexual and emotional abuse. It also contains references to death, dying, suicide and depression. Do not read if this is a problem for you.

Any posted photos of my own personal art are not to be copied or used in or on any other form of communication or promotion. The photos remain as my own personal property. Please respect that. If you would like to share any of the art work, please contact me and I will consider your request.

I appreciate you for reading and for following the above requests.

Monday, September 12, 2016

closer to my heart

2016 ©Kayla Christine

I lay this broken body down at your feet
Lost and alone
Feeling wholly incomplete
You look at me
You see my fear
You look at me
That's when I know

You are near
Closer than I think
Closer to my heart
You are near
I cannot escape
the gaze from your eyes
This crazy loving is a surprise
You treasure me

So I stand up tall before you
Waiting for you to speak
All of heaven surrounds me
As strength overcomes my weak
My weak weak heart
I need a new start
My weak weak heart
That's when I know

The shadows that consume me
Are nothing but a ghost
I can now see clearly
You love me the most

This love this love
Is to impossible to not believe in
Your touch your touch
Is fresher than the breeze in
My face

So I stand here proudly of what I've not become
And I embrace my sense of being as I stare into your face

The face of love
The face of joy
The face I know better than my own

The reflection wasn't always so pretty
The image dark and gritty
I looked at myself with sadness and loss
You looked at me thru the perspective of the cross

Abused and neglected I was torn
Between love and fear
Between love and hate between love and the shadow I had become.

Now you gently call me up out of the dust
Into a life of goodness and trust I can finally say

I know who I am
I know who you are
and no matter come what may
I know you're never far

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Please remember to not use any profane language, sexual innuendos, or and other forms of derogatory communication. Thank you.

about this girl

Welcome to my Blog!

I am so glad that you are taking the time to read this blog. I write it because I need to have an outlet to the thoughts that rattle around in my brain. And I write it because I believe we can learn from each other's stories and experiences.

It is not my purpose to slam anyone or spread negativity, so read on with a grain of salt and remember that you are loved very much.

A little about me:

I am in my thirties, live on my own with my solid black cat, Larry. I am a self-taught artist and I love to share my art with others. Art, for me, is a way of dealing with all of life's complexities and I believe that everyone is an artist whether they know it or not. I love taking care of plants and animals. I like Wild Cherry Pepsi and my favorite color is purple. So, now that you know those things, that means we're more than acquaintances. ;)

A bit more about me:

I struggle with mental illness. I was first diagnosed in 2008, with Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Dyslexia, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. But I did nothing about it until after a mental breakdown where I was hospitalized in 2014 for a week. That was an awakening experience for me. Now, a few years later, thru therapy and medication and several more hospital stays; I was eventually diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Unspecified Dissociative Disorder. Through all of that, I can truly say that I am on the road to recovery.

It's been my version of hell. I kid you not. Only those who dare to be brave, if even for just a moment, can overcome the day to day battle of living with a mental illness. Living with Borderline Personality Disorder is not for weak people. Add all the other disorders and my life is no gentle drive through the country. It's more like a Nascar race on the freeway and I keep losing control of the car. Yeah. That bad.

But there are the good moments too. When I can embrace who I am and life becomes an experience rather than an observation.

I made this blog as a way for me to process and accept the ups and downs of my disorders. If I never am fully free of them, I at least want to experience some sort of peace even if only for a short time.

Who am I?

Some days I don't even know. Some days I do. Some days I just have to tell myself who I am just so I can get thru the day. Most of the time, this brave girl is still figuring it out.

this brave girl

Disclaimer (Read HERE First)

Monday, September 12, 2016

closer to my heart

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here's a good reminder:

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