an ill-fitting life?

This statement about the personality INFJ,  from the Meyers-Briggs Personality Test,  sums up the main feeling and thought I've had my entire life.
When I was born,  my mother had been given pain meds and because of her sensitivity to drugs,  she hallucinated while giving birth to me. She doesn't remember me being born.
In my growing up years,  my siblings teased me about being "adopted" and even my mother would say,  "If you didn't look so much like the family,  I would say you were adopted."
Not something you should tell any child. Especially a sensitive INFJ who already struggles with feeling like they don't belong anywhere.
Growing up I never seemed to fit with girls my age. I didn't fit with the younger kids,  nor the adults.  It was like I was in a group of my own,  but I couldn't invite anyone into my circle.
It caused me to be withdrawn and extremely shy. It caused major insecurity and self esteem issues, that to this day I am still coming up against.
I've grown up now. I will turn 31 in a few days and I still feel the same way. I feel like I don't fit anywhere,  yet I can adapt to anywhere. It's a complex way of thinking and feeling. I've grown in my self esteem the last few years and have made a few friends who have stuck by me no matter what. I can be open with people now and can hold my own in a conversation as long as it's a topic I know about. There are so  many facets to my personality that I have yet to discover them all. I'm learning that God,  who never makes mistakes,  made me and is still forming me day by day. I believe that the negatives of my personality will be used to good,  no matter how painful. And the good of my personality will be amplified through Jesus so that I can show others the transforming power of God's love and grace.
I am who I am. And I am constantly changing. Constantly evolving. And I am blessed to know that it's going to be ok.

the unexpected

Most of the time my life is ordered. Time to wake up, time to eat,  time for appointments and work. Time to play and time to sleep. We all have our schedules and we all have little things we do to make life meaningful.
Then along comes a surprise. An unexpected phone call or visit. An illness, a death,  or even a change in jobs can all be unpredictable and unexpected. They often knock us off our feet or at least cause us to teeter a little. They can break us if we let them. However, if we accept what ever may come, those unexpected events can make us stronger.

It's easy to sit right here where I am comfortable in my life,  and project my opinion of how life should be. It's easy to say, "what ever may come"and miss the possibilities before me when things, "go wrong". For instance,  at work today I got a really bad manila folder cut and am sitting at the Occupational Health office waiting for it to be checked out. I didn't plan this. I'm a little frustrated at how long it is taking. But the reality is,  that I have a choice. Complain. Or look for the gift in the moment. I think I'll go with the gift. Not sure what it is yet,  but when I do figure it out,  I want to say thank you for the inconvenience and pain I went through so I can grow stronger for the next unexpected.